Invasion of the Sues
by shadow djinni
Summary: Oh no! The Sues have invaded Tokyo, and now the original crew (plus Berry) must team up with the aliens to save themselves. Some canon pairings, some fan-preferred pairings, characters we hate getting their comeuppance, and unexpected allies ensue!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, look! shadow's trying satire! Before I get started, I'd like to make sure you all know this is just for fun. It's just a little ribbing on all the badfic-authors out there, and I don't intend to be rude to any of you or belittle your writing-it's just me being a bit bored and playing around.**

 **And now, for the requisite disclaimer: shadow djinni does not own Tokyo Mew Mew or any affiliated characters, locations or situations. shadow djinni does, however, own the plot and the Sues.**

* * *

Time: 7:30 on a Friday night, autumn of 2004.

Location: The basement of a pink café in Tokyo.

Shirogane Ryou, owner of Café Mew Mew, creator of the Mew Project, and teen genius, paced anxiously back and forth in front of his computer monitor. He hadn't left the basement for days, and it was beginning to show: his perfectly pressed shirt was rumpled, his perfect blond hair was a rat's nest, and perfectly purple bags were forming under his perfectly blue eyes—which were glazed from not enough sleep and far too many cups of coffee to compensate for it. His hands shook, ever so slightly.

"Ryou," his long-suffering assistant, Akasaka Keiichiro, said from the top of the stairs. He'd been trying to lure his boss out of the basement for the last three days, and he was on his last nerve. The irritation showed in his voice. "Come out of the basement. I baked cinnamon rolls."

"I…I can't," Ryou said. His voice shook from too much caffeine and excessive paranoia. "I got this strange reading on the detector…and I've only just realized what it was." His whole body shuddered.

"Are the aliens back?" Keiichiro asked, braving the first steps into the terrifying darkness of the basement laboratory. Quite frankly, he was half-afraid Ryou had created some horrifying, soul-eating monster that had turned on its creator and was now using him as bait to lure Keiichiro and the Mews (when they showed up for work tomorrow, at least) down into the basement to devour them too.

He could certainly _believe_ Ryou was the puppet of some malevolent entity. His eyes were far too bright, and they darted around erratically as if tracking the path of a fly. His hands jittered and shook—Keiichiro blamed that high-caffeine coffee they'd purchased (but how could he resist? It was Fair Trade-certified!)—and occasionally his head would twitch as well. His every movement was jerky, as if his arms and legs were controlled by strings. The baker suspected that if he left Ryou to his own devices whenever the teen told him to, he'd end up like this far more often.

"It's worse than that," Ryou said. His hands jerked, fingers spasming into claws before he clenched them into shaking fists.

Now Keiichiro was worried. "Then what is it? The Saint Rose Crusaders? Something else?"

"It's…" Ryou took a deep breath. "It's the one thing I've always dreaded."

"It can't be _that_."

"It is. It's… _Sues_."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Just a tip-the type of Sue each one is is hinted in their names~**

* * *

Time: 8:00 Saturday morning, autumn of 2004.  
Location: Momomiya residence.

A flock of pigeons, which had roosted for the night in the tree outside Momomiya Ichigo's window, were startled into flight by the loud _crash_ from within the room—which was followed promptly by an even louder scream.

"Aaah! I'm late!" Ichigo (ninth grade, 15) wailed, scrambling into a pair of hot pink shorts and a light green scoop-neck tee. As per usual, she'd slept through her seven o'clock alarm and now had fifteen minutes to get to Café Mew Mew to start her workday. Of course, after two years of being late to work due to oversleeping she knew she wouldn't make it on time, but that didn't mean she couldn't try.

After raking a brush through her thick red hair and pulling it back in a high ponytail, she yanked her shoes on, grabbed her bag, and sprinted out the door.

"Bye Mom, bye Dad!" the girl hollered over her shoulder. "I'm going to work!"

"Have a good day, dear!" her mother yelled back, looking out the door in time to see her daughter vanish around the corner.

Little did she realize, someone else was watching too.

* * *

Ichigo almost made it to Café Mew Mew. She was by the park, only a block or so from the café, when she walked straight into the trap.

Out of nowhere, Masha popped out of her bag and flitted up in front of her face.

"Chimera anima! Chimera anima!" the fluffy pink robot chirped cheerfully. Ichigo had always thought it was a little weird that Masha sounded so excited right before she got in a fight.

Quick as a wink, the wildcat Mew spun around. A huge chimera anima of a type she'd never seen before loomed over her. It looked, she thought, a little like a bearded dragon on steroids. It hissed and lunged, trying to eat her, and she barely dodged—right into the thing's tail, which slammed into her side and hurled her across the path. Ichigo plowed through a park bench and landed on the grass, gasping and trying to get her bruised ribs to expand enough to get air back into her lungs.

"Oww," she whimpered, rubbing her side. The chimera anima lumbered toward her, gaping maw opening to swallow her whole. All of a sudden, a blinding yellow light flashed behind Ichigo.

"Ribbon…Deus Flash!" a girl shouted.

A stream of glowing yellow particles shot over Ichigo's head and disintegrated the chimera into…well, whaddaya know? An infuser—one of those little jellyfish-looking alien things the aliens used to make chimera anima—and a bearded dragon. Ichigo turned around, utterly pissed. If this newcomer had given her two more seconds, she could have handled it.

Ichigo's 'rescuer' was a beautiful girl with long hair of the purest gold. Her bangs parted neatly at the center of her forehead, proudly displaying her Mark (which glowed faintly with golden light and was in the shape of a heart), and the rest of her hair was in gently curling twintails tied up in pure white ribbons. A pair of snow white cat ears poked out endearingly from behind her hair, and an equally white pair of wings were just visible over her shoulders. Her eyes were the brilliant blue of a perfect, flawless sapphire, with gold ringing the outer edge of her irises and her pupils. She had full, pouty lips of the palest pink and a perfect complexion, whiter than newly-fallen snow. She was wearing a dress that looked suspiciously like Ichigo's Mew costume, only with a slightly less full skirt and a lower neckline (which showed off her impressive bust), and was a golden-yellow edged in darker gold. Ichigo hated her immediately.

"Who are _you_?" Ichigo spat.

"I'm Sue Deus," the girl declared, tossing her twintails in a display of effortless grace and beauty. "There's no need to thank me, Mew Ichigo, for I serve Tokyo from the goodness in my heart!"

"I wasn't planning on it," Ichigo said, standing up and grabbing her bag.

"How rude!" the girl gasped, eyes wide in perfect mortification. "Just because I _say_ you don't need to thank me doesn't mean I don't _want_ you to!"

"Sorry," Ichigo said, without meaning it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm already late to work…"

"Oh you poor dear, stuck working for that awful jerk Shirogane." The Sue's eyes narrowed slightly, her features taking on a malicious cast. "It's a good thing we're here to change that…"

Ichigo didn't stick around to hear anything else. She took off at full speed for the café, the _one_ safe place in the world…even if it did have Shirogane in it. Either by luck or something more nefarious, Sue Deus didn't follow her.

* * *

Mint was on her second cup of tea when Ichigo exploded in through the back doors a minute before the café was supposed to open, and the heiress was relieved to have a little normality back in her day. She'd woken up early that morning to find her gentle-mannered housekeeper had overnight transformed into a strict monster, her mother had smiled at her at breakfast and invited Mint to sit next to her rather than at the far end of the long table, her father had come in in the middle of breakfast and kissed her mother on the cheek, and, strangest of all, the two of them _and_ her reclusive brother Aizawa Shinji had wished her a good day rather than subtly poking fun at her 'commoners' job'. If Ichigo had been on time, Mint would have cried.

"Oversleep again, Ichigo?" Mint asked, snidely sweet.

"This isn't funny, Mint," Ichigo replied. Her pupils had gone huge and dark, rather like a startled cat. "I got attacked by a chimera anima and this girl with wings and cat ears jumped in and stopped it before I got the chance."

Mint frowned slightly. "Wouldn't Shirogane have told us if he was going to start Mew Project 3.0?"

"That's what I though until she got all creepy!" Ichigo said.

"We need to talk to Shirogane, now," Mint decided, grabbing Ichigo's wrist and towing the taller girl off in the direction of Shirogane's lab.

"What's going on?" Lettuce asked hesitantly, her pale blue eyes magnified vastly by her wire-framed glasses. The green-haired girl had pushed the swinging doors to the kitchen open enough to lean through, and she gave Ichigo an anxious look.

"Something strange is happening, na no da," Pudding said, dangling from the light fixture in the center of the café. "All of Pudding's little brothers and her little sister were really quiet this morning, na no da."

Zakuro 'hmm-ed' her agreement, which was more than what she usually said.

"And where's Berry?" Mint demanded. "She's usually early, but she didn't show up today."

"Maybe the weird girl got her," Ichigo said.

"Come on, everyone," Mint said. "We need to go talk to our boss."

Whether fortunately or unfortunately, the door to the basement was locked. After Mint, Ichigo, Lettuce, and Zakuro failed to force it open and Pudding couldn't pick the lock, the Mews had to admit defeat. Ichigo gave the door one last kick before racing to put on her uniform and get ready to serve customers. Even if Shirogane never showed his face—come to think of it, Keiichiro had disappeared too, except for the baked goods—the Mews would handle the day's challenge with their usual aplomb.

That is to say, Lettuce would drop things, Mint would loaf, Zakuro would disappear into the kitchen to wash plates, Pudding would goof off, and Ichigo would do her best to keep the place running. Though Mint did actually work, claiming it was to make up for Berry. She would never admit it to the other Mews, but she worked to keep her mind off the weirdness.

* * *

The part of the job that scared Lettuce the most was the lunch rush on a Saturday. The morning would be slow and steady, people coming in to get donuts or the like, and things would taper off at about ten o'clock. Then, at eleven-thirty, people would start coming in again in large numbers—couples on lunch break, schoolgirls with their friends, older people—everyone. This was when Lettuce was called on to do more waiting tables, and the more anxious she got, the more plates she dropped.

"Lettuce!" Ichigo called as she made her way back into the kitchen to pick up an order. "Can you get the group at table five?"

"Y-yes, of course!" Lettuce stammered, grabbing her pen and pad in her shaking hands. She headed quickly over to table five, narrowly dodging a flying plate, and clicked the pen.

"Hi, welcome to Café Mew Mew, may I take your order?" the green-haired Mew asked, keeping her eyes averted.

"Strawberry parfait, please," one of the girls at the table said. She had long, blonde hair in an elegant fishtail braid and sapphire blue eyes, wore a white shirt that plunged just low enough to show off her bust without being immodest and a golden skirt that hugged her lightly toned thighs, and spoke in an ever-so-slightly condescending tone of voice.

"Chocolate Bundt cake," said another girl. She had long black hair with red-and-violet streaks and blue eyes like limpid tears, was wearing a stripperific off-the-shoulder midriff shirt, short black jeans, fishnet stockings, stiletto heels, and a nose ring. She looked like she'd rather be spray-painting the side of a building with Satanist graffiti than ordering cake.

"I'd like a raspberry torte, please," said the third girl at the table, adjusting her fashionable glasses. She had hair the color of chocolate in two plaits, which were brushed forward over her shoulders and tied with two blue ribbons and elegantly angled grey eyes the color of fog. She wore a school uniform Lettuce recognized as being that of the most prestigious private school in the area—a crisp white blouse and matching blue tie and skirt. She sat casually, but her eyes studied Lettuce like the waitress was a particularly ugly beetle pinned to a collector's board.

"May I please have the lemon meringue pie?" the fourth girl asked. She was blonde like the first girl, but her eyes were a warm, gentle green ringed in a dark brown and filled with compassion, as if she knew everything that had ever happened to anyone and sympathized with everyone. Her lips pulled up slightly in a nervous smile, just barely exposing her perfectly even and white teeth. She wore a long-sleeve shirt and a knee-length skirt in the purest white Lettuce had ever seen.

"Blueberry shake," said the fifth girl, who looked oddly like a younger and—dare she think it—prettier version of Zakuro. She had eyes of a dark ocean blue, long midnight colored hair that flowed loose around her shoulders, and wore a grey pencil skirt and dark blue blouse. She kept glancing at her phone, which lay on the table, like she was expecting a very important call at any moment.

Lettuce had never been so overwhelmed. These girls were so…beautiful and perfect. She felt the overwhelming urge to bow before them and worship them as goddesses. She was not worthy to serve them—was not even worthy to be their slave…

 _Snap out of it, Lettuce,_ the Mew told herself. "So that will be one strawberry parfait, one chocolate Bundt cake, one raspberry torte, one lemon meringue pie, and one blueberry shake. Would you like anything to drink with your order?"

"Just waters," the first girl said.

"Will that be everything?" Lettuce asked.

"Yes, thank you," the fourth girl said, smiling. Lettuce smiled back instinctively and made her way towards the kitchen.

"We've got an order for table five," she said, a little louder than her usual soft voice. "Strawberry parfait, chocolate Bundt cake, raspberry torte, lemon meringue pie, blueberry shake and a round of waters."

Zakuro gave Lettuce a bit of an odd look, but before she could get started on the parfait and the shake, the entire café rumbled.

"An earthquake?" Ichigo yelped, grabbing the counter to keep from falling.

"Chimera anima! Chimera anima!" Masha chirped.

"Why is it always Saturday?" Mint groaned under her breath, hustling the customers out the door.

Then, unexpectedly, the group at table five stood up. Simultaneously, they pulled pendants nearly identical to the Mews' out of their pockets and kissed them.

"OC Luci—"

"OC Purity—"

"OC Tzu—"

"OC Replica—"

"OC Deus—"

"Sue-tamorphosis!"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Augh! This was supposed to be satire! How did I end up with plot?!**

Time: Noon Saturday, autumn of 2004.

Location: Café Mew Mew

"Sue-tamorphosis!" the five girls from table five chanted. A brilliant, multi-hued light that glowed blindingly in every color of the rainbow—including colors unperceivable to the human eye—shone around them. And when the light faded…

If anything, they were more beautiful and perfect than before—not that that should have been possible, since they were already beautiful and perfect.

Sue Deus was even more beautiful and glorious than before, the crown jewel of her team. Her deep violet eyes shimmered with flecks of gold. She struck a pose suspiciously similar to Ichigo's, only shifted so her arm was under her bust to emphasize it. Not that she needed it; the mere sight of her would have charmed any mortal…er, most guys and some girls, while pissing off the rest of the girls and the gay guys.

Sue Luci's hair had curled in ragged ringlets and her eerily pale eyes were now a deep, bloody red. Her teeth had sharpened to fangs, and she had huge at wings. Her stripperific top was now bikini-only—and worse, her cup overflowed—with a sheath of black fishnet over her belly. A pentagram belly-button ring had been exposed. Her already skimpy shorts were even shorter and more revealing, and it was plain to see she wore nothing underneath them. Her stilettos had, if possible, gotten even higher, and the ends of the heels were sharp-tipped and bright red. She rested her fists on her hips, bust thrust forward to magnify its size.

Sue Purity's long golden hair had gone pure white, and she had a pair of huge, beautiful swan's wings. Her eyes turned a vibrant emerald green, the most brilliant shade anyone had ever seen anywhere and were shot through with gold, and were even more compassionate—if that were even possible. She wore a long, elegant robe of pure white, belted at the waist with a golden sash, which flowed down to her golden-sandaled feet. She stood demurely, head and shoulders bowed as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Sue Tzu's hair had lightened to red and she'd gained a fox's tail and ears—and, bizarrely, ruby-red wings—though her eyes remained the same calculating grey. She wore a uniform similar to Mint's, except with more flair to the skirt and in a pale grey edged in ruby. On her feet, she wore a pair of ballet flats, bright red trimmed with silvery pearls. She cupped her right elbow in her left palm, her right hand rested thoughtfully against her cheek.

Sue Replica was eerily familiar—grey wolf's ears and tail, but with the addition of grey wings. Her outfit was exactly like Zakuro's down to the detail, only dark blue instead of violet, and her pose was even sexier than Zakuro's. She looked like she'd just won the Miss Universe beauty pageant. She was, quite possibly, the smoking-est girl on the team. Or she would have been if Sue Deus didn't outshine all her companions with the glorious light of her unimaginable beauty…

"Someone rip my ears off," Zakuro said. "I'm sick of listening to the author describe our opponents' beauty and the not-so-subtle hints that they have succumbed to their own Mary Sues' charms."

For goodness sake, Zakuro! Stop breaking the fourth wall and giving the readers undue spoilers!

"Hmph," said Zakuro.

"Who are you talking to?" Mint asked, giving Zakuro a sideways glance. Zakuro shook her head slightly, and Mint accepted the answer.

"We are Tokyo Sue Squad!" the girls declared. "We serve Tokyo from the goodness of our hearts!"

"And also for the fact that I have yet to finish my city-wide pentagram to sacrifice you all to Satan!" Sue Luci added.

"Tara!" scolded Sue Purity. "We're supposed to love everyone, not want to condemn everyone to hell!"

"Stop that!" Sue Deus scolded. "Sues, we have a chimera anima to defeat!"

The Sues rushed outside, and an instant later the Mews transformed and followed them. The Sues were already taking on the suspiciously weak bat chimera anima, and the Mews were a good twenty second too late to do anything.

"Satan's Circle!" Sue Luci exclaimed. A glowing copy of her belly-button ring materialized, and she grabbed in and hurled it at the chimera anima. "Ribbon…Satanic Binding!" The pentagram hit the ground under the chimera anima, and a prison of black energy appeared, trapping it.

"Purity Bow!" Sue Purity exclaimed, grabbing a golden bow out of midair. She struck a pose and fired. "Ribbon…Purity Glow!" A shimmering white arrow struck the chimera anima in the wing.

"My turn! Tzu Katana!" Sue Tzu shouted. She raced straight toward the chimera anima, jumping into the air and swiping her ruby-colored blade. "Ribbon Tzu Strike!" A crimson slash appeared across the chimera's body, and it shrieked.

"Replica Whip. Ribbon Copy Spear." Sue Replica said emotionlessly. A flick of her wrist lashed her nearly-identical-to-Zakuro's-weapon Replica Whip around the chimera anima's neck, and she slammed it to the ground.

"Now, for a dazzling finish! Deus Bell!" scouted Sue Deus. Her 'Deus Bell' looked like a golden version of Ichigo's Strawberry Bell. She leapt airborne and spun, skirt flaring gracefully around her long, perfect legs. "Ribbon…Deus Flash!" The chimera anima disintegrated into an infuser and a very confused bat, which quickly winged off.

"Now," said Sue Deus, "To handle the inferior canon characters."

"What does that mean?" Ichigo demanded.

Sue Deus laughed. "You stupid Mew. The Sues are the way of the future! We are unimaginably beautiful, breathtakingly powerful, incredible girlfriends…in a word, we're perfect. You are not, and you are ruining this story by continuing to exist! You're taking all the hotties, stealing our limelight, wasting time with your imperfect relationships, time that could be spent on better things—like us!"

Sue Deus stalked towards Ichigo, her cat's ears laid back against her head.

"I'll tell you what it means, Mew Ichigo. It means we'll either convert you to Suedom or kill you. And if you don't submit…" She laid her Deus Bell against Ichigo's chest. "…Well, we were going to make an example of you, anyway. Goodbye, Mew Ichigo—"

"Don't you _dare_ touch my Koneko-chan!" Everyone froze at the sound of that familiar voice. Deus and Ichigo turned their heads to find Kisshu, Taruto, and Pai standing on top of Café Mew Mew.

"Kisshu!" Deus exclaimed. She dropped Ichigo and jumped into the air, landing next to Kisshu and pulling him into a passionate kiss. He shoved her back.

"Who do you think you are?!" Kisshu demanded. "My kisses belong to my Koneko-chan only!"

Deus looked crestfallen. "But you're supposed to love _me_ ," she said. "I'm prettier than Ichigo, utterly perfect, the kind of girl who can redeem you from villainy, and I love you! She doesn't!"

"That's part of the appeal," Kisshu said drily.

"I would suggest leaving," said Pai. He sounded bored. "If you don't, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you."

"Ooh, a bad boy," Sue Luci said. She, too, bounded up to the roof. "You and me could have some—Oof!" Pai had slammed the handle of his fans into her exposed stomach.

Deus glared, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. "We'll get you next time!" she said, and she and the rest of the Sues vanished into thin air.

The instant she was gone, Kisshu jumped off the roof and pulled Ichigo into a hug. "Kitten, are you okay?"

"Get off, Kisshu," Ichigo grumbled. She shoved the alien off, and he grinned because that was as clear a signal as anything that she was okay.

"So they're _here_ as well," Pai noted.

"The Sues are on your planet, too?" Shirogane asked from the doorway to the café.

"Yes," Pai said, scowling.

Shirogane shrugged. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," he said, opening the door and gesturing to the inside of the café. "Come in and we'll talk about the situation."

The inside of the café was as pink as Kisshu remembered it being. He would have hated it if it wasn't Ichigo's color, but it was and he loved it. All the pink was hurting his eyes, though. He tried to keep his eyes off the garish walls and on the floor, but his gaze kept wandering up to Ichigo, who walked right in front of him. She was even prettier than Kisshu remembered, her red hair longer, her legs longer, her figure curvier…her eyes just as bright as he remembered, the same earthy warmth that had kept him awake at night remembering the way she'd skewered him with her gaze and stolen his heart in one fell swoop.

He shook himself. Now was not the time to get trapped in an Ichigo coma, not with so many Sues out to get him. And not in the normal way, either—they didn't want him dead; they wanted him as a _paramour_. It was creepy. Kisshu didn't do creepy. That being said, he didn't really like the basement lab. It was dark, kinda creepy, and smelled funny.

"So," Pai said.

"So," Shirogane said. The two stared at each other, absolutely silent. Kisshu guessed it was because they'd always been enemies and didn't know how deal with being allies.

"Can we get on with it?" Kisshu asked. "I'm sick of dealing with stalker-Sues."

"I just wanna get rid of our nuisances," Ichigo said. "That Sue Deus person is getting on my nerves."

"It's 'cause she was flirting with me, isn't it?" Kisshu teased.

"No! I have a boyfriend!"

"And where is the tree-hugging boy wonder?"

"He's in England, studying ecology!"

"Oh, cool. Do you even hear from him anymore?"

"All the time!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Both of you, cut that out!" Shirogane exclaimed. "Alright, before they get into another useless argument, what are the Sues doing on your planet?"

"Some of them have infiltrated our special forces unit, but most of the Sues we've seen are attempting to seduce either Kisshu or I for reasons unknown," Pai said.

"You _should_ be able to figure it out," Kisshu snarked. "You're the smart one, after all."

"Not with people," quipped Taruto.

"And here on Earth?" Pai asked, shooting his younger brothers a stop-that-now-or-you're-grounded look.

"I only just got readings to indicate their presences last night, but they've already done a lot of reality-warping. The tracker I had on Aoyama Masaya—"

"You have a tracker on my boyfriend?!" Ichigo yelped, horrified.

"…As I was saying, it cut out at around midnight and we currently have no idea where he is. We also have readings indicating warping at the Aizawa, Midorikawa, Fong, and Shirayuki residences, as well as Zakuro's modeling agency and the girls' school, and Mew Berry didn't show up to work this morning. The tracker on her pendant no longer works, either. My best guess is that they've already integrated themselves into society and are moving to attack us."

"I'm sorry girls, but I can't let you into the library while school is closed," the librarian said, glaring through her horn-rimmed glasses at the five girls standing on the other side of the desk.

"Oh, please, ma'am," the shortest girl said, wide green eyes brimming with tears. "We simply _must_ use the library, it's for a very important project!"

The librarian prided herself on a steel spine and invulnerability to puppy-dog eyes, but one look and she melted. "Alright, just be careful and stay out of the janitor's way." She paused and glared at the tallest girl in the group, who fiddled idly with her lip piercing and shot her dirty looks from smoky-rimmed blue eyes. "And don't spray-paint or otherwise graffiti the shelves, books, chairs, tables, or other school property, or I'll have you all suspended."

"Yes ma'am," said one of the taller girls, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

The librarian stepped aside and opened the door to the library, and the Sues shared a secret smile amongst themselves. They walked back through seemingly miles of shelves to a study room they had converted to their headquarters last night.

"Brava, Angelique," said Serafina Aphrodite Freya Rosebud Celeste Osbourne, also known as Sue Deus.

"Thanks, Sera!" Angelique Starfire Jasmine Holloway, aka Sue Purity said, smiling shyly at the older Sue.

"You know, you could have let me sacrifice her to Satan and raise her as my undead slave instead," said Ebony Tara Darkness Raven Way, aka Sue Luci.

"I calculate evidence of a Satanic ritual would get us caught about 90% quicker," Sakura Raleigh Einstein Hinode, aka Sue Tzu, stated.

"Hm," said Zakura Trinity Helena Minamoto, aka Sue Replica. As keeping close to Zakuro's elegant, aloof character, she tried to be quiet and look down her perfectly beautiful nose at everyone else.

"Come on, girls," Serafina said, sashaying over and opening the door.

"Good to see you all!" said Berry Serenity Belle Shirayuki, aka Sue Canon. "Now that we're all gathered, let's work on our latest project."

She turned on all the lights, illuminating the room completely. Trussed up in a corner was Aoyama Masaya, bruised, battered, and unconscious.

And tied to a spinney chair in the center of the room was his highly dangerous—and currently pissed—alien second personality, Deep Blue.

"What do you want with me?" Deep Blue snapped, piercing blue eyes glaring holes in Serafina. The head Sue refused to be intimidated, staring right back at him.

"I want you to work for me," she said, walking over and sitting down in his bound lap. The alien's lip curled in distaste, and he tilted his head back away from her.

"Remove your filthy self from my person immediately," he growled. Seraphina laughed and trailed her hand down his porcelain-pale cheek. Deep Blue shuddered and jerked away.

"Oh, come on. You know you want a chance to get back at the Mews," she said, lacing enough of her power into her voice that any ordinary person would have fallen immediately under her charms. Fortunately for Deep Blue, he _wasn't_ an ordinary person, or even an ordinary alien.

"Actually, I was quite content remaining in hiding and gathering my strength. I have no interest in getting involved with the Mews." His eyes narrowed further, pupils shrinking to slits. "And I am very displeased by your treatment of my host. He has done nothing to offend you, and I warn you: I take damage done to what is mine very personally."

"Ooh, possessive and attractive. I like that."

"Don't touch me."

A slap rang out, and the Sues gasped. Deep Blue turned his head back towards Serafina, eyes glowing with hatred. The red mark of her palm already showed on his cheek.

"You will regret that," he said, his voice as smooth and even as if he were saying 'it will rain today'.

"I doubt it," Serafina said. "Admit it: you're beaten. Powerful as you are, you're no match for a Sue. Even at the height of your power—"

"You know know nothing of that," the alien replied, ears flattening aggressively. "You are a weakling, a usurper, a _child_. What do you know of me, I who have held a world in the palm of my hand? I am millennia older than you, and far stronger than one such as yourself could ever hope to be."

"Then prove it," mocked Ebony. "Get yourself out of here; avenge your poor, abused host, et cetera! Or at least do something rather than sit there looking pretty."

Deep Blue turned his head and looked away from her. "I am above such a petty waste of energy. It is more to my aim to wait for the six of you to grow weary of this game with an opponent who will not crack and simply leave to go about your business. The only reason I have not left yet is because your ridiculous interest briefly piqued my curiosity. Now that that has been sated, I am free to leave at any time I wish."

Angelique rested her palm on his knee. "Don't you want to be redeemed?" she asked, wide green eyes attempting to stare into his soul. Only attempting, though, because Deep Blue did not believe he had one.

"Stop reading my mind, author," Deep Blue grumbled, glaring at the ceiling. The author giggled. He's cute when he's angry. The alien scowled.

"You do, don't you," Angelique said. Deep Blue glared.

"I was not addressing you," he replied. "And how serving your foolhardy endeavor would redeem me is beyond my comprehension."

"You'll be working for the good of the Earth, for the good of your people!" the angelic Sue said, her eyes wide and earnest.

"I am not interested."

"You can beat up Mew Ichigo," Berry said. "I'll even hold her down for you."

"…You're not even trying, are you?" Silly Sues. The things you use to bribe Deep Blue are dark chocolate, smooth jazz, long walks on the beach, and…

"Agree to the terms or I'll cut his throat," Sakura said, yanking back on Masaya's hair and pressing a knife to the unconscious teen's neck.

…And Masaya's safety. That's the other thing you use to manipulate Deep Blue.

"Stop revealing my weaknesses, author," Deep Blue growled under his breath. It mostly sounded like a growl, though, and he wrenched furiously at his bonds. "Harm a hair on the boy's head and I will flay you in a thousand pieces so tiny you will need to be buried in a thimble."

"That's hot," Ebony declared. Sakura yanked back harder on Masaya's hair, and the teen gasped in pain. Deep Blue flinched.

"You're so smart, Sakura!" Angelique gasped, beaming. "How did you figure out that his weakness was that smart, handsome boy?" Ebony shot Angelique a disdainful look. To her, Masaya wasn't at all hot, and he was really quite boring.

Deep Blue fired a patented Deep Blue Glare at the author, who promptly decided it was a good idea to stop razzing on his host lest the alien leap through the screen and disembowel them, bringing an unfortunate end to both the story and the author.

"His protective response the instant we threatened his host when we first captured them was a good hint," Sakura said drily.

"Don't. Touch. Him." Deep Blue looked pissed beyond reckoning. Serafina promptly removed herself from his lap. She didn't want to be too close when he inevitably exploded.

Sakura was unfazed. "Agree to our terms or he dies," she said, applying slightly more pressure to the knife. A thin red line appeared on Masaya's throat. The teen, now fully conscious, whimpered slightly. Deep Blue's ears drooped.

"Fine," he said, bowing his head slightly. "I submit, but on this condition: if any harm comes to the boy, I will tear you all to pieces."

 **A/N: Okay, I think a little explanation is required here at the end. I actually prefer the manga ending to the anime ending (Masaya does something badass, and it is epic) but in both of them, I noticed a little something in the dialogue. When Masaya is preparing to take both himself and Deep Blue out, Deep Blue says something along the lines of 'Are you crazy? This will kill you, too!', which most people would take as an attempt to convince Masaya not to kill Deep Blue, but I took it to mean he didn't actually want Masaya to die. Thus, my headcanon gives me Protective!BigBrother!Deep Blue and LittleBrother!Masaya.**

 **By the way, I didn't mean for this to end up with an actual plot. I'm apparently so bad at writing a standard plotless Mary Sue fic that it ends up with plot and characterization. -_-'**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry for the slow update-my parents decided it would be a great idea to take us out to a little cabin they bought in the middle of nowhere for part of the summer. It's a great place for hiking, but it has no wi-fi. Anyway, here's more of the madness!**

* * *

Time: Midnight Saturday, autumn of 2004.  
Location: Sue Headquarters.

Masaya was awake the second the knife cut the ropes on his wrists. He looked up, jumping slightly as he met Deep Blue's eyes. The dark-haired alien attempted a reassuring smile, but it came out looking more like a pained grimace. Deep Blue shrugged his right shoulder slightly as if trying to loosen it up a bit, which caused several long strands of midnight-black hair to fall in his face.

He brushed them back.

They fell back in the way.

Deep Blue scowled and, after nearly a minute of increasingly aggravated hair-shoving, let them fall wherever they wanted. He crouched in front of Masaya, shifting the small knife to cut the ropes on the human's ankles.

"What are you doing?" Masaya asked quietly.

"Getting you out," Deep Blue replied, equally quiet. "I will not let you remain in their clutches any longer."

Well, he couldn't claim to be surprised by that. Shortly after the incident with the Saint Rose Crusaders, Deep Blue had revealed himself to Masaya. It was a shock at first, but the alien somehow persuaded Masaya that he meant no harm and wasn't interested in causing any trouble. The teen and the alien had quickly struck up a sort of friendship based on a trade of information for a safe place to hide out.

"Are you coming, too?" he asked.

"I can't. You leaving won't bother them, but if I go with you they'll track me down and possibly kill you, and that is something I cannot allow to happen." The alien's eyes were regretful. "I am sorry you had to go through this."

"It's fine."

The knife whispered through the ropes on Masaya's ankles, and Deep Blue pulled his former host to his feet and into a hug. Masaya didn't bother to fight back, even though he didn't enjoy being hugged by anyone other than Ichigo. The Plot Device the Sues had used to separate them had drained his energy to function and left him exhausted, and he could tell by the look on Deep Blue's face that the alien was in the same state.

"Listen to me," the alien said quietly. "This is very important. I will transport you to a location in Tokyo. Return immediately to your home and behave as if nothing is amiss. Go to school on Monday and find a way to contact Mew Ichigo and explain the situation to her in person. Avoid the fighting if at all possible, but if you cannot…" A slight smile crossed Deep Blue's face. "…Well, let's say that's my last little gift to you. There will only be enough power for one transformation, so use it wisely."

Before Masaya could ask what he meant by that, the world fell away in a flash of blue light. He was falling, falling, falling…landing hard in the park. He jumped up, looking around just in case Deep Blue had decided to come along after all. He hadn't. Masaya was on his own.

* * *

"…And he just reabsorbed the tree hugger," Serafina said, brushing her luxurious golden mane out of her twinkling silver eyes. The Sues had set up a surveillance camera in their fake headquarters before heading to their real base of operations, Berry's house.

"Called it!" Ebony shouted. She'd stolen Berry's dad's supply of sake when they first arrived and was now on her third bottle. Underage drinking, yay!

"How did you know?" Angelique asked, green eyes wide and innocent.

"Both of us knew he would," Sera replied with a grin. She grabbed the sake bottle out of Ebony's hand and sat down next to the black-haired Sue.

"This is your first time out, isn't it, ya prep?" Ebony mocked.

Angelique, Zakura, and Sakura nodded.

"Lucky you, you've got three experienced Sues on your team!" Berry chirped, tossing her hair over her shoulder in a spray of gold like the first rays of the rising sun. "I've been here the longest since I took over the mind of Mia Ikumi in _A La Mode_ , and I'm canon so it'll be hard for them to get rid of me."

"I'm a fairly common archetype in Mary Sue fics—most fangirls _do_ want to be the most powerful, hottest character in the cast and win over all the guys," Sera said, giving an almost coy smile.

"I dunno, the 'edgy, goth Sue who gets around a lot' has gotten really big since that infamous Harry Potter fanfic," Ebony said, grinning wickedly. "But then, there's a lot of Angel's type in the really old stuff."

"Yeah, who was the first Sue again?" Sera asked.

"The first documented Sue, and the one who gave her name to the rest of us, was Ensign Sue, _A Trekkie's Tale_ , 1974," Sakura said. "However, characters of our archetype are common dating back to the 19th century."

"Thank you, Sakura! Gosh, you're even smarter than my boss, and he supposedly has an IQ of over 160!" Berry said. It was impossible to tell whether she was being serious or not. "So, Zaks, did you get your job set up?"

"On Monday morning, Fujiwara Zakuro will receive notice that she has been replaced by Minamoto Zakura," the statuesque Mew replied, her voice emotionless yet smug.

"Alright! I've got you all enrolled at the Mews' school to get closer to them," Berry said.

"So what's the next step, Sakura?" Sera asked.

"Make their civilian lives absolute hell," said Sakura, "And then expose them as Tokyo Mew Mew."

* * *

The Sunday after the Sues revealed themselves was quiet. Too quiet if you asked the Mews, though Ryou and Pai were glad for the opportunity to sit down together and plot a strategy for getting rid of the menace. But the others were on edge. The effects of the Sues' reality-warping still lingered around the Mews' houses—in fact, it had spread, affecting entire neighborhoods with no apparent rhyme or reason. Friendly neighbors suddenly turned hostile, a boy stole Lettuce's purse at the train station, Mint lost her cell phone and two of her backups in three hours—and, worst of all, one of Pudding's neighbors threatened to call child protection services on her and her siblings, so the Mew was forced to send them off to Heicha's teacher's place and ask her to watch them for a while. She arrived at the café on the verge of tears.

Kisshu spent most of the day reveling in his newly Sue-free existence by spying on Ichigo. Right up until she busted him. Then he spent the rest of the day hanging out in her bedroom playing video games with her and eating ice cream. When he asked why, she insisted that no, it was not a date and that it was safer for them to hang out together if the Sues showed up. He told her that sounded like an excuse. She told him that he should shut up if he wanted to stay. He shut up.

Lettuce somehow ended up in the basement of the café with Pai, Ryou, and Zakuro, planning how to deal with the Sues. They didn't really have _anything_ to base their plans on, except that the Sues hated the Mews and wanted to get rid of them, and that half of them seemed to want Kisshu. Or Pai. It was weird. The best plan they could come up with was…well…work with the situation as it arose.

It wasn't much of a plan.

Taruto stole a whole bunch of candy for Pudding. It was pretty awesome. Especially since she perked up enough for him to convince her to go out to the park so they could wreak their particular brand of havoc.

Masaya ended up hiding under his bed, unwilling to let his parents know he was there. Adoptive or not, he wasn't going to let the Sues use them as leverage—or his dog; actually, parents as leverage would be preferable to dog as leverage, since he liked the 'rents a lot less than he like Rau. She, at least, didn't ground him when he got B's on his report card, and she approved a little more of Ichigo.

Deep Blue skulked in the study room all day, pacing anxiously up and down the length of the room. He quickly figured out that it was six strides long, three wide, and almost two Deep Blues tall. And that he was capable of putting head-shaped dents in the wall. With his head. After twenty minutes, he'd left six craters in the wall the exact shape and size of his forehead. He was, quite frankly, hoping he could knock himself out. Sadly, he failed and ended up sulking in the corner. For the whole day. With a decent bruise on his forehead. Cursing the author, who grinned evilly because it's hilarious to torture him. At least, right up until the Sues came for him.

* * *

Ichigo had never been so glad to get a text in her life.

Her morning had gone horribly—she'd slept through her alarm _again_ , almost been late to school, and then sprinted into the classroom to discover that half of the Sues were in her class. Ebony glowered at her from the back of the room, Sakura sat up front and gave Ichigo an imperious stare over the black frames of her glasses, and Serafina smirked triumphantly at her—from Ichigo's seat. When the redhead had demanded an explanation, the teacher had said that Ichigo had been moved to the back of the classroom. Ebony had proceeded to throw spitballs at her for the rest of the morning.

Then, at lunch, where she commiserated with the other Mews—minus Berry, who seemed to have been brainwashed by the Sues—Masaya had texted her. I'm okay. Meet me in the park after school; just nine words, but they made her whole world seem brighter. She practically waltzed through the rest of the day.

"What's up with her?" Sera whispered to Sakura as Ichigo came bounding back through the door after lunch.

"Trouble. She's got Plot Armor," Sakura whispered back.

"Doesn't she have that already? Y'know, since she's the Main Character in canon?"

"Not _this_ kind of plot armor. You can't see it, but it's got that weird glow—the Romance Edition."

"Darn it!" Sera hissed in frustration. "She probably kissed my Kisshu-kun! That # *^%" Sera called Ichigo a name there, but the author has taken the initiative to remove it. It does, however, rhyme with 'witch'.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Actually, I think it's her tree-hugging boyfriend."

"Ugh, he's so gross!" Sera paused as the 'tree-hugging boyfriend' actually registered. "Wait, I though you-know-who merged with him again?"

"I guess not, judging by the way she's acting."

"Then that means you-know-who—"

"Busted him out. Yes."

"There goes our leverage."

"Not really. So long as we don't hurt the tree-hugger, he won't cause us any problems."

"So we can use him the next time we go to work?"

"Of course."

Ichigo, of course, heard none of it, even though she was sitting only a few feet away. One of the perks of being a Sue, the author supposed.

The second the final bell rang, Ichigo was out the door and racing for the park. Her heart was going a mile a minute. The only thought in her head was _Masaya_. Not a smart idea, that. It makes you miss stuff, and authors are likely to plant things right where you'll miss seeing them and trip. Such as tree roots. One of which Ichigo promptly tripped over.

—And fell straight into her boyfriend's arms.

"Ichigo!" Never had the redhead been so overjoyed to see her boyfriend in her life—

* * *

Ow! What was that for? And what the hell are you doing in my room? You're supposed to be off—oh, crap, right, spoilers. Can't talk about it. Okay, fine, I'll fix it later; just get back in the story!

Ah, sorry about that. Deep Blue was just mad about the purple prose up there. Sorry! I'll get back to narrating now. Anyway…

* * *

"Masaya!" Ichigo gasped and buried her face in Masaya's shoulder. "I heard you'd disappeared—I was so worried something had happened, and I'd never see you again!" She picked her head up and jolted in surprise. Masaya had bruises and scrapes all over his face. "What happened? You're hurt!"

"I'm okay, but there's something I have to tell you—"

An obnoxiously familiar voice started laughing from behind them.

"Ha! Out with only your powerless boyfriend to protect you, huh?" Sue Deus said, smirking. Ichigo gulped and put herself between the Sue and Masaya.

The other Sues emerged from their hiding places, all in their Sue forms. Ichigo didn't like the confident, evil smirks they were wearing, or the cold-as-ice look in their eyes. Then she spotted the only non-Sue in the group (how had she not realized Berry was a Sue? She had two sets of animal DNA, for goodness sake!)

"Deep Blue!" she gasped. "But he's dead!"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Masaya said. "It looks like I was too late."

Sue Deus laughed. "Alrighty girls. Remember, no hitting the tree-hugger. Otherwise…" her sapphire-gold eyes narrowed to slits, "…feel free to pound her."

"Mew Mew Strawberry!" Ichigo shouted, grabbing her pendant. "Metamorphosis!"

She barely had time to transform before the Sues were after her and she was forced to fend them off. Thank goodness she'd signed up for that martial arts class last semester. Fists flew, weapons fired, and then, a familiar attack sounded.

"Ribbon…Zakuro Spear!" Zakuro's violet whip lashed, driving the Sues back. The oldest Mew landed next to Ichigo, glowering. "Are you okay?"

Ichigo nodded. The rest of the Mews came running up—well, Mint flew, but everyone else ran—and, much to Ichigo's surprise, the aliens teleported in. Kisshu winked at her. Then he spotted Deep Blue, and his jaw hit the floor.

"What?! But he's dead!"

"Evidently not," said Pai.

"Let's go!" Sue Deus shouted.

The Sues leapt into action, targeting the Mews only. Each one faced off with her apparent counterpart: Sue Replica and Mew Zakuro, Sue Purity and Mew Pudding, Sue Tzu and Mew Lettuce, Sue Luci and Mew Mint, and both Sue Deus and Sue Berry targeted Mew Ichigo, who struggled to fend them off.

Pai, Taruto and Kisshu hovered at a distance, staring at Deep Blue, who stared back with blank, empty eyes. Kisshu shuddered. He'd preferred fighting Deep Blue the first time around, when his boss's eyes had brimmed with emotion—anger, desperation, a deep, fierce wanting, other emotions Kisshu couldn't identify. He couldn't stand the flat, vacant mask of a person staring at him now. None of the four moved.

"What are you doing?" Sue Luci hollered at Deep Blue. "Attack them!" The black-haired alien lunged—but Kisshu noticed something. The move was…sloppy. Deep Blue's form had been rigorously perfect the last time, almost as if he was performing a ritual. Suddenly, Kisshu had a plan.

"You guys, go help the Mews," he said, giving both Pai and Taruto firm looks. The two flew over to aid the Mews and Kisshu summoned his sais to deflect Deep Blue's first strike.

"That's it, isn't it?" he said, gold eyes inches from blue ones. "They're controlling you."

Deep Blue's only reply was to pull his sword from the block and attack again. Sloppily. Kisshu, having been trained in the art of combat since he was big enough to hold a knife, found it easy to hold him off. One sai slashed across Deep Blue's forearm, and the alien made a sound like an out-of-tune violin in the hands of a person who has never held an instrument before in their life.

Masaya hung back out of the way, feeling useless. His gaze darted back and forth, wishing he could help—Pai's barrage of attacks helped keep the Sues off Ichigo, while Taruto's plants ran amuck in the fracas, tripping the Sues so their attacks missed their targets. He wanted so badly to be in there, helping Ichigo like he used to…

 _There's only enough power for one transformation, so use it wisely._ The last words Deep Blue had said to him echoed in Masaya's head as he began to process that information. _One transformation…_

His hands crept up to level with his heart. His chest felt warm. A soft, glowing feel blossomed, a burst of nostalgia—a feeling Masaya recognized. Mew Aqua. Deep Blue had recharged it enough for…

"One transformation into the Blue Knight," Masaya whispered. He closed his eyes and let the familiar power wash over him.

* * *

 **A/N: Aaand cliffhanger! XD**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow, it's been a while since I updated this, huh? Sorry about that...  
Anyway, onto the next episode of fourth-wall breaking madness!**

* * *

Time: 4:30 PM Monday, autumn of 2004.  
Location: The park.

"One transformation into the Blue Knight," Masaya whispered. He closed his eyes and let the familiar power wash over him.

Energy surged in his veins, racing up and down his limbs like lightning bolts, cascading over him from head to toe like a waterfall thundering down over his head. Sound and smell sharpened, and his eyes snapped open to a world more clearly defined than the one he had closed them on. Blond bangs fell in front of his eyes. He shook them out of the way and focused on the fight.

It certainly seemed like things would go in the Mews' favor…which was odd, considering that their enemies were teenaged nightmares capable of warping the fabric of reality itself. They'd probably forgotten or something. Regardless, Masaya charged straight into the fight.

Unfortunately, he didn't go unnoticed.

"I don't even need a weapon to handle a worm like you!" Sue Deus declared, jumped over Ichigo's head, and punched Masaya in the face.

"Ow!" he yelped. Not that he was hurt; he was more startled than anything. But it did exactly what it was supposed to.

It pissed off Deep Blue.

The black-haired alien threw Kisshu into a tree and roared back towards the Sues, bulldozing Tzu, Luci, and Replica before grabbing Sue Deus by the throat and hoisting her in the air. Ichigo gaped. Masaya…couldn't say he was surprised.

"What," Deep Blue started, looking pissed, "did I tell you about harming Masaya?"

"But that's the Blue Knight!" Sue Deus protested, violet eyes going wide and pleading.

"Is it normal for your kind to enter universes you know nothing about?" Deep Blue asked, tone dangerously casual. "Or perhaps you watched the _4Kids Dub_?!"

Before the Sue could condemn herself further, the alien hurled her at Berry and knocked them both flying several feet back into a tree. _That_ pulled everything to a halt. The Sues struggled to disentangle themselves from each other or the ground, the Mews stared in shock, and the aliens hovered nervously. Well, except for Kisshu. He was still stuck in the tree.

Or, rather, it halted everyone except Sue Purity. Her eyes, greener than golf-course grass, filled with crystalline tears.

"But why? I thought…you know…I thought we really had something…" Her voice was no louder than a whimper, but everyone heard it. Most of the Mews began tearing up, Taruto actually broke down, even stoic Pai's façade cracked a little.

Deep Blue remained unfazed. "As if I would be interested in someone as incompetent as you. Take your compatriots and leave, before I eliminate you."

The green-eyed Sue didn't need a second warning. The Sues winked out of existence. With everyone still stunned, Deep Blue turned to face Masaya, who had de-transformed while no one was looking.

"Are you alright?" the alien asked, cold blue eyes softening.

"Yes. She didn't hurt me," Masaya said. Deep Blue stroked Masaya's cheek with his knuckles.

"Good. You worry me sometimes."

A thousand yaoi fangirls gasped in unison. Deep Blue's ears twitched, and his expression changed from 'concerned big brother' to 'irritated alien-god-thing' in a heartbeat as he pulled back.

"I can hear you, you know!" he shouted at the skies. "There is nothing going on, so get your minds out of the gutter!"

Zakuro looked stunned. "You hear them too?"

"Of course," the alien replied. "Now, if you'll excuse me, as the designated Anti-Hero I am contractually obligated to leave after every fight scene with no indication of whether or not I intend to continue working with you. Good day." He took three steps and vanished.

"Well," said Pai. "That was…irregular."

* * *

"So basically, all he did was show up, fight you until Sue Deus punched Masaya, kick all the Sue's rears barehanded, and leave with some nonsensical explanation?" Ryou said, recapping the entire incident—or at least Deep Blue's involvement in it.

"Pretty much," Ichigo said, shrugging. "It was really weird."

"He broke the fourth wall when he left," Zakuro said casually. The group stared at her in confusion.

"But he didn't break any walls…" Lettuce said, confused. The rest of the Mews and all of the aliens nodded in agreement. There _weren't_ any walls Deep Blue could possibly have broken in the area. They were in the middle of the park…

There was a sound like breaking glass, only a few thousand times louder. Ichigo's ears popped out, Mint ducked behind Zakuro, Lettuce screamed and put her hands over her ears, Pudding and Taruto both jumped and grabbed onto each other, Masaya yelped and almost flipped the table by accident, Kisshu actually _did_ flip his chair, Pai put a hand on Lettuce's shoulder (almost protectively, like he was getting ready to move her behind him), Zakuro blinked, and Ryou and Keiichiro shared a look that said 'that sounded like every dish and glass in the café being broken all at once. There goes the last years' worth of profit.'

Exactly three seconds later, the door exploded inward and a very freaked-out-looking Deep Blue came skidding into the room.

"Who broke the Fourth Wall?" he demanded.

"Nobody broke any walls!" Ichigo protested.

" _Somebody_ broke it, and it wasn't me this time! And we have until I finish this line of dialogue before the Fangirls get in here!"

He barely finished his line before the _things_ came flooding into the room. Wispy and greyish like smoke, with long arms and clawed, grasping fingers, no two of the _things_ were the same size but all were vaguely humanoid—and all of them mobbed certain characters.

They were on Kisshu in a heartbeat, swarming all over the alien while he yelled, summoned his sais, and tried to beat them off. The weapons went through them like smoke. Others lunged past him, crowding around Ryou and Pai, still more lunging for Keiichiro or Zakuro or Mint, and a few aimed for Deep Blue, who jumped onto the table to avoid them. Even more lunged for Ichigo and Masaya, claws glinting silver as the _things_ slashed at their targets. A cut opened on Ichigo's cheek, and the Mew screamed. Kisshu struggled to get to her, but the _things_ on him held him back.

Oddly enough, they ignored Lettuce, Pudding, and Taruto.

"Somebody summon the author!" Deep Blue shouted, kicking one of the _things_ in the face. "That's our only hope now!"

Kisshu went down under the tide of _things_.

Suddenly, a brilliant light flashed in the doorway, silhouetting a tall, ambiguously-gendered newcomer.

"Hold it right there!" At the sound of the voice, the _things_ froze.

A second voice spoke, deep and commanding. **"And the light of Canon shone on the Fangirls, and they could not withstand it, for they had been tainted by the evils of OOC and Fanon. And the author said unto them…"**

"Edward and Jacob are stripping in the Twilight fandom!"

The _things_ , now properly identified as Fangirls, gave an earsplitting shriek loud enough to shatter glass—Ryou's computer screen broke—and flooded back out the door, past the newcomer. The light faded, revealing a lanky, violet-haired person in loose white clothes.

"Well, that was a close one!" the person said. "But it's not over yet—the Fourth Wall is still busted, and if we don't seal the thing pronto the Fangirls will figure out that I lied and get back in. Deep Blue, get over here and help."

"Why me?" the alien asked sulkily, hopping off the table.

"If you don't, they'll come back in and shred Masaya. Besides, Fourth Wall sealing is a handy skill to have when you and Zakuro keep taking cracks at it."

Deep Blue glanced at Masaya. Ichigo was putting a Band-Aid on a cut over the teen's right eyebrow. The alien sighed. "Fine."

"Alrighty!" The person pulled a legal pad and a pencil out of nowhere. Cue music, they wrote.

The all too familiar tune of the Macarena started up. Which greatly confused everyone, since the basement lab didn't have a sound system installed.

" _This_?" Deep Blue complained.

"Easiest way to draw the sigil. Just follow along."

The music reached the part where the beat lined up with the dance moves, and the newcomer started up, violet light trailing from both hands as they began dancing the Macarena. Deep Blue mimicked the dance, electric blue trailing his hands. Everyone else watched, confused, as the two went through four repetitions—hip swivel and turn included—before the newcomer swiped the air with their hands and the complex violet symbol in the air _whooshed_ out, disappearing through the walls. Deep Blue's copy did the same.

"Phew! Okay, no more breaking the Fourth Wall. That's enough Fangirls for one day," the newcomer said.

"Who are you, and what do you think you're doing in my café?" Ryou demanded.

"I'm an extradimensional entity, Category 'Fan', Subcategory 'Fanfiction Author'. You can call me Shadow. I'm here to help you guys clean up the little mess I accidentally created."

"What 'little mess'?" Ryou asked.

"What's the Fourth Wall, na no da?" Pudding asked.

"That's the easy part. Okay, who's been to a theater to see a play or something?"

Almost everyone raised their hands. Even the aliens.

"Alright. So, when the stagehands design a set, they give it three walls—the back and the sides. The term 'fourth wall' is the idea that there is a, well, a fourth wall between the actors and the audience that the audience can see through but the actors typically can't. So for my kind, the term Fourth Wall essentially means that _we_ can see what's going on in your universe, but _you_ can't see _us_. Well, mostly. There's usually someone on your side of the 'Wall' who knows we're there."

"What _mess_ did you make over here?" Ryou demanded. The little exposition was nice and all, but the man wanted answers. Now.

"Okay. A little more exposition, then I'll explain. I'm a Subcategory 'Fanfiction Author', which, essentially, means I can cause things to happen in your reality just by writing them here." Shadow waved the legal pad for emphasis. "Lucky you, I'm pretty benevolent. I try not to warp personalities for the sake of plot, I just make stuff happen and let you react. The things that barged in here when the Fourth Wall broke are Subcategory 'Rabid Fangirl'. They're mostly stuck on the other side of the Wall, but if they get the chance they'll swarm their favorites and try to off the ones they don't like.

"As to my 'little mess', there is a third subcategory, 'Suethors'. They're hybrids of the first two types, the really dangerous ones—they have these little avatars called Sues that they write into universes and run amok, totally screwing canon and messing everything up. I made a deal with five of them out of pure boredom—they'd send their Sues in, and I'd write it so the fourth subcategory, 'Fanfiction Readers', wouldn't have to slog through grammatical mistakes, and so I could let you guys keep your canon personalities and see how this would really play out.

"To be honest, I was hoping you'd beat the Sues, but they're ridiculously OP and I'm getting sick of them. So when the Wall broke I came in here to give everyone who plans on fighting a little upgrade to even the odds a little—especially since they just summoned two more Sues and a _Stu_."

"What's a Stu?" Kisshu asked. He looked worried.

"The male equivalent of a Sue—the Suethor's ideal of masculine perfection with three times the muscle, eight times the firepower, and zero personality. But I think that's enough explanations for now, especially because the longer I stay here the weaker the Fourth Wall gets."

"O…kay…" said Ryou. He didn't look convinced.

"You first," Shadow said, waving him over. "Self-injected, non-compatible feline DNA…this could get interesting." The author's pen danced across the legal pad. Temporary Canon Rewrite, to be terminated at EOS—DNA compatibility adjusted to allow transformation into Mew Platinum. Masha spat a pendant into Ryou's hand. "Okay, most of these upgrades will only last until the end of the story unless I feel generous or want to explore the possibilities further. Shirogane Ryou, your upgrade is DNA compatibility. You now have a fully-functional Mew form."

The Author turned to the Mews. "This should be fairly obvious." Tokyo Mew Mew Version Up—to be terminated at EOS. "Girls, your upgrades are new transformations. Activate it with 'Mew Mew (name), Evolution! It's more powerful than the standard one, and each transformations' weapon is capable of handling chimera anima or Sues without Ichigo needing to do the finisher."

Green eyes landed on the aliens. "Taruto…you're good. Just don't hold back on the plants like Pai told you to. He's just jealous. Pai…hmm…" Special ability, air current manipulation—to be terminated at EOS. "No need to be jealous anymore. You get your own little trick now—just use it wisely. No tornadoes, okay? Kisshu…no need for an upgrade here, but I'm giving you a present." A group of the little jellyfish-like infusers materialized around the Author and flocked to the green-haired alien. "You don't need animals or souls for these babies. Just think of the chimera you want and activate them with 'Fusion'."

"Masaya," Shadow said. "You're lucky I like you. Most Authors would have killed you by this point, and I'm giving you an upgrade." Full-time access to Blue Knight form—no termination. "It'll come in handy later."

At last, the Author turned to Deep Blue, who looked apprehensive. "You're good power-wise, but that body you're in isn't holding up too well under the strain of containing your power, is it?" The alien shook his head slightly. Masaya looked horrified.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I didn't want to worry you," Deep Blue replied.

"I got this," the Author said. Author's Saving Throw—physical upgrade, power containment, no termination. "That'll do. Well, I'm out. The Fourth Wall isn't gonna last if I stick around. Later!"

A black, white, and violet portal opened up behind the Author, who jumped back into it and vanished. The room was dead silent. Well, until Deep Blue commented.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have just experienced a Deus Ex Machina."

* * *

 **A/N: The final battle approaches! Will our heroes triumph? Or will the Sues take them down and ruin canon...forever...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: We're reaching the end! Thank goodness! Fear not, my friends-the final battle will, in classic shadow djinni style, be an actual battle instead of a letdown, as most Sue-style final battles are.  
By the way: contemplating doing a sort of a Q&A at the end-that is, if anyone has any questions they'd like to ask the characters, or me, for that matter.**

* * *

Time: 7:30 PM Monday, autumn of 2004.

Location: Shirayuki Residence.

"What the heck?!" Serafina complained, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. "How did that lame three-episode villain beat us? We're _Sues_ , for goodness sake!"

"Satan has forsaken us," Ebony moaned from the corner. She'd occupied it the second the Sues got back to their base, curling up in the fetal position and rocking back and forth.

"We were not prepared for him to turn on us," Sakura said. She was sketching out a diagram of the fight, detailing what had worked and what hadn't. "Had I anticipated you injuring Masaya, I could have planned for it."

"It's not her fault the tree-hugger got hurt, it's his," Berry said. "If he hadn't gone running in to save Ichigo he would have been fine."

"Besides, look at what he did to Angel!" Sera said, gesturing to the Purity Sue. She was curled up in the other corner, sobbing into her knees. "That _monster_ broke her heart, and we need to get back at him!"

"Did somebody order some ice-cold revenge?" asked a new voice, fresh as a spring breeze. A trio of newcomers teleported into the room.

The first of the three was a young female alien, with bright amber eyes and short green hair like the first leaves on a tree after winter has ended. She wore a light green crop-top with _Love Me_ written across the bust in pink and pink trim on the neck and sleeves, which were long and kimono-like, a short midnight-black skirt that barely covered her butt but showed off her hot-pink tights, and knee-high black and green boots. She wore a playful smirk that showed off her tiny fangs—smaller than a regular alien's, but still noticeably fanglike.

The second couldn't have been more different. If the first girl was spring, then this girl was autumn. She had thick maple-red hair that flowed to her waist and oak-leaf-gold eyes, which glowed faintly with warmth like the dying rays of the sun. She wore a cocoa-brown tube top with separate sleeves—the kind that are slightly too long so they cover your hands but not so long that you can't use your fingers, with the thumb holes in them—and a pair of maple-red, flowing pants. She was barefoot, and her feet were tiny and delicate-looking.

The third alien was the very definition of masculine. Where even Pai, under the right circumstances, could have been mistaken for a tall, muscular girl, there was no way this guy would be. He had short, black, spiky hair and red eyes like embers ready to flare into a fire. He wore an outfit strikingly similar to Pai's, only his was red and black. And he was covered in weapons. He had three visible swords—one on each hip and the third across his back—a calf sheath with room for two knives, two ray-guns, and a bandolier of infusers stuffed in Mason jars. Ebony looked up from her corner and began salivating.

"Hey sexy," she said.

The guy looked her up and down, focused on her bust, and nodded approvingly.

"So you're the new girls trying to bump off those nasty freak human girls, huh?" the first girl asked.

"Who are you?" Sera asked.

"I'm Cookie, an alien Sue," the leader said. "We're not as popular as you Mew-Sues are, but we're out there. This is Pumpkin and Licorice. We're here to help you finish them and get that stupid Ichigo away from my Kisshu."

"Wait, I signed on to get it on with all the Mews except Pudding," Licorice said, looking confused.

"So do them before we kill them. You _have_ permission to do that, you know," Berry said. She sauntered over, hips swaying, and shook Cookie's hand. "Welcome aboard."

* * *

The second the Author left, Ryou declared a sleepover, called everyone's parents to let them know, didn't call Masaya's since they didn't know he was home, and tied Deep Blue up to keep him from taking off again after he caught the alien trying to climb out a second-story window.

"I don't know why you insist on taking off," he said, tightening the knots.

"Well, you _did_ try to murder me. I'm only here because of good luck and author favoritism. Also, did I fail to mention that I am the designated Anti-hero? I am _contractually obligated_ to leave," Deep Blue snarked. "And by tying me up you are exciting the Fangirls. You should untie me before they faint from lack of oxygen."

"You're just trying to convince me to let you go."

"Partially. But if you continue this, the Fangirls will love you even more. Especially the Yaoi Fangirls."

"What's a Yaoi Fangirl?"

"A horrifying eldritch abomination. They like watching two guys who ordinarily hate each other getting it on."

" _What?_ "

"Fangirls are awful."

"That's just sick."

"That's Fangirls." Deep Blue shrugged his shoulders. "Why haven't you untied me yet?"

"You'll run off."

"The Fangirls will get me."

"The Author got rid of them."

"They'll be back."

"You can seal the Fourth Wall again."

"I never want to see another Fangirl as long as I live."

"Then why are you talking about them?"

"They're staring at us and waiting for you to decide you want to make out with me."

"That's gross. If I untie you, you have to promise not to run."

"Hm."

Ryou undid his knots, almost regretting all the hard work that had gone into them. He was certain Deep Blue would take off the second he was free, but much to his surprise the alien only stood and stretched.

"Why haven't you left?"

"Masaya is staying here for the night, and the last time I left him on his own Sue Deus punched him in the face. Who knows what will happen to him this time, considering he and Kisshu are sleeping under the same roof."

"Touché."

Deep Blue headed for the door. "I'm going to request a cupcake from Keiichiro. I'll see you later."

And with that he was gone, leaving Ryou staring awkwardly at the door. Aliens were weird, that was all he could say on the matter. First they try to blow up your planet, and the next thing you know they're mooching cupcakes off your assistant. Weird.

* * *

Ichigo unrolled the sleeping bag out on the floor of the café. As always, she was surprised by how _prepared_ Shirogane was. He apparently had the supplies and space for all five girls, the three aliens, Masaya, Deep Blue, Keiichiro, and himself to camp out in the main dining room.

Of course, the guys weren't being any help. They were currently engaged in what Kisshu called testing Masaya's Blue Knight capabilities but was really an excuse for Kisshu to fly around in circles taunting Masaya, who was chasing him with a sword, while Taruto shouted 'encouragement' from the sidelines and Pai chatted up Lettuce. Not that _that_ was much of a surprise.

What _was_ the surprise was Deep Blue, who was standing in the doorway with an amused look on his face. One black eyebrow was raised, his lips quirked in a half-smile. His eyes followed Kisshu and Masaya around the room.

Then, unexpectedly, he moved. Faster than Ichigo's eyes could see, he had crossed the room, disarmed Masaya in time to keep him from destroying a table, and swatted Kisshu out of the air.

"That's quite enough, you two," he said. "If you intend to, quote, 'test Masaya's abilities', a proper sparring match is in order. It will be much more effective than merely causing chaos."

"That's stupid," Kisshu said bluntly.

"Actually, it's a good idea," Ryou said from the doorway. Everyone in the room jumped; none of them had heard him arrive. "None of us have tested out the abilities the Author gave us yet, it'll be a good way to learn what we're capable of."

"I don't suppose you have a place for this," Pai said.

"Actually, I do," Ryou shot back. "It's in the basement."

"So were the sleeping bags," Lettuce said thoughtfully.

"And the lab, na no da," said Pudding.

"And the meeting room," added Mint.

"The basement is a Plot-Relevant Multi-Purpose Location," Zakuro said.

"I suspect it also has its own dimensional field," Deep Blue added.

"The heck does that mean?" Taruto asked.

"It's like a Tardis," Deep Blue explained. "It's bigger on the inside than it appears."

"What does that even mean?" Kisshu asked.

"…Never mind. I wasn't expecting this sort of…Spanish Inquisition."

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Cookie shouted as the Sues teleported into the café.

Zakuro glowered at the alien. "You just _had_ to make that reference, didn't you."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: THE FINAL CHAPTER IS UPON US! BRACE YOURSELVES FOR EPICNESS! JK. It's not really that epic. There's lots of sparkling.  
Also, I have decided against a Q&A for fear that it may traumatize the characters.**

* * *

Time: Monday evening, autumn of 2004.

Location: Café Mew Mew.

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Cookie shouted.

Aside from Zakuro's comment, the entire café was silent, staring at the alien Sue in utmost confusion. Well, except for Masaya, who fell over laughing. _That_ gave them something to stare at besides Cookie.

"What's funny?" Berry demanded.

"Monty Python. I'd hoped invoking the Spanish Inquisition would instigate the final battle," Deep Blue said. His gaze landed on Cookie, ever-so-slightly respectful. "I never anticipated a Sue with knowledge of the Pythons."

"Suethors who make alien Sues tend to be a bit more sophisticated," Cookie replied.

"Monty Python isn't sophisticated at all," Sue Tzu said, glaring at Cookie. "You only think so because it's British."

"Everything British is sophisticated," Sue Deus said. "I'm half-British myself!"

"I'm half-American!"

"I'm one-quarter French!"

"I'm half-Austrian!"

"Where's Austria?"

"Hm."

"I'm also part faerie, part werewolf, part vampire, part—"

"Completely illogical, and violating canon," Masaya said from the floor.

Sue Luci vanished in a puff of black smoke. The Sues stared in horror at the place the 'goffic' Sue had stood not a moment before. Then, as one, they turned to stare at Masaya.

Sue Deus cleared her throat. "My name is Serafina Aphrodite Freya Rosebud Celeste Osbourne. You killed my comrade. Prepare to—" She scrambled backwards out of the way of an oncoming Ichigo. The redhead aimed a kick at her face before leaping into the air.

"Mew Mew Strawberry, Evolution!"

Instead of a wasteful flash of light like a Sue or Mew's transformation, the Upgraded transformation was a brief shimmer of air that, nevertheless, left her transformed. Some aspects were the same—the pink eyes and hair, the cat's tail and ears. But her costume was completely different. Ichigo now wore a catsuit in the colors of her old costume, with an attached ruffle just below the belt that echoed back her skirt in her regular transformation, and knee-high boots. She'd lost the bow on her tail. The new costume was stunning, highlighting the difference—the maturity she'd gained—between the confused thirteen-year-old and the confident fifteen-year-old. She landed in a crouch and sprang to her feet, lithe and graceful as, well, a cat.

"For the sake of Canon, I'll be of service—nya!" Mew Ichigo exclaimed, striking her classic pose.

The rest of the Mews transformed as well, each with a costume similar to Ichigo's new one but, again, with elements echoing back to the originals. The aliens summoned their weapons, preparing to fight. Masaya transformed into the Blue Knight. Keiichiro wisely retreated to the kitchen. Ryou almost went with him.

"Aren't you going to fight alongside us?" Zakuro asked, catching his eye.

Ryou hesitated.

"Come on, Shirogane!" Ichigo shouted. "Or are you too scared?"

"I don't…"

"Just like you told me," Ichigo said. "Listen to your heart, it'll tell you what to say."

Ryou took a deep breath. "Mew Mew Platinum…Metamorphosis!"

Unlike either of the Mews' transformations, Ryou's didn't glow. If anything, it was a flash of _color_ rather than light, a brilliant silvery blur. When it faded, the creator of the Mew Project finally experienced the fruits of his labor. His fluffy blond hair had gone pale silver, though his eyes remained that bright blue. A green scarf, similar to the one that his feline form wore, was knotted around his neck at an angle one could easily call 'rakish'. He wore what looked almost like his civilian clothes, a sleeveless shirt and slacks, only in silver and grey with highlights of the same green as his scarf. He landed lightly on his feet and crossed his arms.

For a long moment (it was maybe a second or so, but it _felt_ long) nobody moved. Sues and Mews stared at each other, varicolored eyes locking across the café. There was a strange tension in the air; as if everything in existence balanced on the edge of a knife—or the tip of a pen—and that the slightest move would send it crashing off to either side to shatter on the floor.

Then Sue Deus leapt at the Mews, shouting her attack, and the moment vanished. All that was left was the fight. Ichigo lunged to meet her, screaming out a 'Strawberry Surprise' as she went. Berry and Kisshu dueled, the former Mew trying to fight through him to get to Ichigo and the alien determined to stop her. Sue Tzu and Lettuce faced off, trading katana strikes and Lettuce Rushes as they scrambled back and forth, knocking tables flying. Pudding and Taruto tag-teamed Sue Purity, who struggled to fend them off. Zakuro, unsurprisingly, took out Sue Replica in a matter of minutes, knocking the copycat-Sue's weapon out of her hands and using her new attack.

"Ribbon…Zakuro Burst!" A brilliant pulse of light shot down the length of Zakuro's whip and slammed into Sue Replica. The Sue vanished in a burst of violet light. The Mew looked inordinately pleased before spinning around to help Pai with Licorice.

Cookie and Pumpkin eyed Deep Blue, Masaya, and Ryou with disappointment.

"Darn it. I was hoping to not have to kill any bishounen today," Cookie said. Pumpkin nodded in agreement.

"Don't underestimate us," Deep Blue replied. Then he fired a bolt of lightning at them, forcing the alien Sues to dodge. The bolt blasted a hole in the ceiling.

"You're paying for that," Ryou said.

"I'll work it off after we finish this," the alien replied.

"Fair enough. I can always use another waiter."

"Deal?"

"Deal. Let's do this."

As one, Masaya and Deep Blue lunged for the alien Sues. Ryou had to avoid looking at them to keep from getting double vision. The Sues shot backwards, narrowly evading each sword strike.

Ryou jumped up on top of a table. "Platinum Bands!" he shouted. A pair of silvery-colored bracers appeared on his wrists. He crossed them instinctively, took a deep breath, and shouted, "Ribbon…Platinum Blast!"

Cookie never saw the attack coming—actually, nobody saw the attack itself, but they all saw the aftereffects. The Sue went flying backwards into a wall, smacking her head and crumpling to the floor. The silvery-haired male Mew looked down at his wrists and grinned.

"I think I'm gonna enjoy this," Ryou said.

Then something bizarre happened. All the light in the room took on a curious violet cast and all the fighting stopped. Sue Deus lifted into the air, her eyes glowing in myriad shifting hues. The multicolored radiance spread to the rest of her slim, graceful frame, brightening as it went.

Deep Blue hissed out something in an unintelligible language. "She's going to unleash her Sue powers," he said, switching back to Japanese.

Then the light faded, the Sue setting down gently on the top of one of the few tables that hadn't been overturned.

"Mew Ichigo," she said. Her voice was echo-y, sounding as if dozens of her spoke at once from all over the café. "I can't believe we didn't realize it sooner."

"Realize _what_?!" Ichigo demanded.

"You are one of us. All the pieces were there—your power, your position as leader, the way the plot revolves around you, even your return to life after Deep Blue was defeated— _you_ , Mew Ichigo, are the primary Sue of this universe!"

"W-what? That's not possible!"

"It _is_ possible. It's _true_."

"No. _No!_ It's not—I'm not—Berry—"

Berry smirked. "Sue Deus is right, Ichigo. The moment I met you, I realized you were a fellow Sue. The plot bends over backwards for you!"

"Noooooooo!" Ichigo wailed, sinking to her knees.

Sue Deus hopped off the table and knelt beside her. "Join us, Ichigo. We're your true companions. Join us, and we'll give you everything you ever wanted. All your daydreams will come true. You won't have to worry about any more relationship problems with Masaya. You'll pass every test in school, get into a good high school with ease, get that pay raise you've been asking for since you started working here, Kisshu will give up and leave you alone for good…you can even eliminate the remaining threat to the safety of the world."

"…All of that is possible?"

"With the power of a Sue, it is. Join us."

"I…" A pair of pink-feathered wings sprouted from Ichigo's back, and her costume changed, reverting first to her original costume and then…the skirt shortened in the front and lengthened in the back, her boots becoming thigh-high with stiletto heels, her hair lengthening with vibrant golden highlights shooting through it.

"What are you _doing_?!" Masaya yelled.

"Masaya," Ichigo said, turning towards him. Her much-longer hair fanned out elegantly as she turned, a perfect shampoo-commercial cascade of gold and pink waves. "It's okay." Her eyes sparkled with flecks of gold.

"She's where she belongs," Sue Deus said. "I merely helped her realize it."

"Ichigo…" Mint said.

"Ichigo-san…" whispered Lettuce.

"Ichigo-onee-chan…" Pudding said.

Zakuro said nothing. Her eyes said it all.

"No!" Kisshu roared. The violet light abruptly shifted to a watery blue. Everyone stared at the green-haired alien. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but this _isn't Ichigo_."

Ichigo gestured toward him. Kisshu's golden eyes went blank. He bowed his head, then dropped to one knee. The others stared, too horrified to move. Even Masaya, who stared at Ichigo with wide, heartbroken eyes.

"Ichigo…" he whispered.

The newly-minted Sue ignored him in favor of attacking the rest of the Mews. Surprisingly, Deep Blue moved to intercept her. A lightning bolt blasted through the ceiling, shorting out her Strawberry Surprise.

"So you want to die, Deep Blue?!" Sue Ichigo shouted.

"I do not intend to die today, Ichigo. I am merely doing what I said I would do. You are hurting Masaya, and _that_ is unacceptable!"

Ichigo's Strawberry Bell shimmered and transformed into a sword longer than the Sue was tall. "Ribbon Strawberry Strike!" she shouted. Deep Blue blocked it, and the fight was on!

Masaya threw himself at Sue Deus, shouting a war cry at the top of his lungs. Ryou battered Cookie with his invisible Platinum Blasts. The Mews began actually using their new attacks: Mint Barrage, Pudding Wildfire, Lettuce Tsunami, and Zakuro Burst. Plants burst through the ground, entangling Sue Purity and leaving her vulnerable to Pudding's new attack. She vanished in a shower of white flower petals. Pai cornered Licorice and sicced a tornado on him, slicing with winds sharp as razors at Berry and Pumpkin to keep them off his back. All the while, Kisshu remained kneeling on the floor, apparently immobilized. They were on the defensive.

Then Ryou managed to blast Cookie back into an oncoming Lettuce Tsunami, obliterating the Sue in a burst of emerald-green light. He took the opportunity to run over to Kisshu, dodging several Loveberry Checks on the way, and shook the alien's shoulder.

"Hey! Wake up!" His fingernails had, without his noticing, had elongated into claws which, quite by accident, sank into Kisshu's shoulder. The alien jolted, snapping back to alertness.

"What happened?"

"Ichigo hypnotized you with her Sue powers."

"We've got to get her back! There's no way I can just let the Sues use my Koneko-chan like this!"

"We're not going to, but—"

"Ribbon Loveberry Check!"

Both Kisshu and Ryou were hurled backwards, sending tables and chairs flying every which way. Kisshu recovered quickly, summoning an infuser and flying backwards. He held it up in the air over his head.

"Fusion!" he roared.

The infuser grew, shifting and changing into…a giant black-furred Iriomote wildcat, with vibrant pink eyes and a bell on its tail. It lunged, knocking Berry to the ground. The Sue screamed in panic—and then a blinding white light flared around her. When it faded, Berry, in her civilian form, was lying unconscious on the floor. Her Mew pendant clattered off and vanished. The chimera anima padded back to Kisshu's side.

"No! Berry!" Pumpkin shouted.

"It's okay!" Berry exclaimed, popping back up and instantly reverting to Sue form. "I'm a Sue! That means I come back to life even if I—"

"Ribbon Platinum Blast!" Ryou yelled. Berry was hurled backwards into a Zakuro Burst that seemed to come from nowhere, and she vanished in a flash of white light. "Sues don't get immunity to death here!"

"Ribbon Strawberry Strike!" Ichigo shouted. Ryou flew through the air and slammed into a wall. He slumped to the ground, transformation dissolving.

"Ichigo…" Mint said quietly. Her brain kicked into gear as her former friend turned her attention to glare at her. "They're wrong. You're not a Sue." His voice grew in volume with each sentence. "Just because you're powerful and the Mew Aqua revived you doesn't make you a Sue—and the plot doesn't bend over and let you do whatever you want with it. Tokyo Mew Mew isn't about Ichigo getting everything she wants! Tokyo Mew Mew is about being strong as a team, about saving the world! Ichigo, you _aren't a Sue!_ "

"Noooooooo!" Sue Deus screamed as Ichigo's Sue transformation faded, leaving her in her Evolution costume.

"M-Mint?" Ichigo gasped. "What have I done?"

"Fortunately, nobody's hurt," Deep Blue said, half rebuking and half teasing. "I kept the casualty count low."

Ichigo shook herself, then smiled. "Come on, everyone! Lend me your power! Together, we can beat the Sues!"

The Mews darted to their leader's side, kneeling and raising their weapons. Ryou re-transformed and hurried to join them. Glowing lights in blue, purple, green, yellow, and silver rose from the group.

"Kisshu, Pai, Taruto. Keep them off of us," Deep Blue commanded, stepping over to join the Mews. Masaya hurried after him, flanking them on the other side. Both raised their swords, aiming them at the remaining Sues.

"Ribbon…" the group intoned as one, "Canon Light!"

A blast of energy rocketed out from the group. The remaining Sues attempted to flee—Licorice smashed a hole in the wall, Sue Deus pushed him down trying to get past him, Sue Tzu shoved her out of the way, Pumpkin knocked her over—but it was no use. The instant the Light of Canon touched them they burned away like vampires in the sun. No, that's not to say they stood there being all sparkly and emo. I mean like Dracula-on-a-beach-in-Miami. _Whoomph_. Only instead of a vampire and sunlight, Sues and Canon.

"…It's finally over," Deep Blue said. Then he passed out. No one noticed. They were too busy partying.

 _ **The End  
**_

* * *

 _Just Kidding._

"Ready the computer, my minions! Today we take the Fandoms by storm!"

 _ **Invasion of the Sues: The Sequel**_ _ **Coming to the Fandom September, 2015!**_


End file.
